...they keep better but they taste like crap.
One of Jo's obsessions (not the one with the pert rear end, the other one, the one she wanted to smother ALL over in calamime when he recently had chicken pox) has handed in his notice and the rest of the pretty young things are about to be hauled over the coals about their less then scintillating performance at the checkouts and on the shop floor.
Frankly they all suck [at least in the sense that the standard of their work at the supermarket isn't all it could be), but some of them are luscious to look at and some are fun to be with (but sadly none of the eye candy are fun to be with and none of the clowns are the least bit physically attractive). C'est la guerre as my grandfather used to say, though god knows why because classical latin and classical greek were his line of country.
The Big Banana spent time in the company of some of Her Maj's finest, the boys in blue, today because of a mistake made by a member of staff some months ago.
The legal age for drinking here is 18. Across the political spectrum there is voluble if not particularly deep concern about binge and underage drinking and successive crackdowns and legislative steps have been taken to deal with this perceived problem. If I seem cynical it is because concern seems predominantly to focus on that underage and binge drinking which occurs on sink estates and in regional city centres.
The underage drinking that happens on the hallowed lawns of Eton and Rugby and the slopes below Harrow as well as the notorious binge drinking at Oxbridge barely rates a lifted eyebrow, which is ironic on so many levels I barely know where to begin.
Let's see, this is a labour governement which, until the ascension of Cameron had a better educated mob of front benchers than that mustered by HM Loyal Opposition which had gone distinctly down market under successively the Major, the Milkman and that bloke with the name no-one can remember. Hmm... This is a socialist government with overtly redistributive tendencies that are matched by a covert tendency to social engineering.
Are they likely to offer succour to the overly affluent by rescuing their offspring from Columbian Marching Powder and good Malt. Not on your Nellie. Do they, any more than the overt Toffs, think that the peasants can be saved from themselves by empowering the rozzers to make life harder for the adventurous and precocious offspring of aspiring middle-classes?
Let's face a few facts here. The only kids who are getting caught buying a couple of bottles of Becks with which to get smashed are the ones belonging to that accountant who lives in the house on the corner with the newish bottom of the range BMW in the driveway. They've not got the parents with the wit to buy them the alcohol or the street smarts to persuade someone else to do it for them.
The Government has put the onus squarely on Supermarkets; more and more according to the spin doctors the social problems that beset this country arising from underage and binge drinking are the direct and incontrovertable consequence of irresponsible behaviour by retailers, and in particular the supermarkets.
But if we examine this we see a hugely competitive market that survives by employing the thick (who can't know better), the old (who couldn't care less) and the young. The young are high school and college students. These are the good guys. These are the ones who don't have rich parents who are spoon feeding them, the ones who care enough to go out and get a job to pay for what it is they want rather than obtain that money through what ever channels it is their mates obtain what they want without either having rich parents or a job.
We're being required now to play scape goat for the parents of this country who have no idea of the whereabouts or habits of their teenage offspring.
The Big Banana was with the Police because a few months ago one of our staff sold alcohol to an underage customer. This particular underage customer had been sent into the shop by Trading Standards to test our procedures. This underage customer was very underage but selected for the task specifically because she looked 'border line'. In other words she might or might not be underage but importantly she didn't look her age.
Our store has an Over 21 policy, the upshot of which is that although the law of the land decrees that you must be 18 to purchase and consume alcohol we won't sell it to you unless you look at least 21 or can prove that you are 18.
If a member of staff challenges someone then that challenge whether met or not must be documented.
We have a button installed on the tills. When an age-restricted product is scanned the operator is prompted to challenge the customer to confirm their age. The customer is required to press the button to confirm his or her age.
Needless to say innumerable geriatrics have protested this is not what either they or their nearest and dearest fought in the war for. Frankly I think the whole thing is open to challenge but for the time being it remains store policy.
Fine.
So there you are unable to buy alcohol if you're 20 but look 17 which is a bummer if you're being responsible about drink-driving, haven't got the car with you and as a result don't have your driving licence.
You can buy fags if you're 16 and can prove it, but can't buy the matches to go with it, or the fuel to top up your Zippo if you aren't 18 (and no judgements about smoking, please).
You can't buy a copy of the Sunday Times if it is carrying an 18 rated DVD as a promo. and you can't prove you're old enough, but you can walk away with a copy of the News of The Screws or the Sunday Spurt without any difficulty.
And our thick, geriatric and earnest staff have to police all this.
God help us.
