Memo to self

This has been a difficult night.

I came home and it was obvious that he'd been drinking heavily. To get himself into the state he was in when I got home he has to consume alcohol in quantities it would be utterly inappropriate to describe as 'heroic'.

He isn't a pleasant drunk either.

As long as he isn't contradicted or criticised, provided his will isn't crossed, he is 'safe', but the alcoholic fog serves as a reminder that he and alcohol create a highly volatile, unstable compound.

I got home at about 21:15. He'd been at home since about 14:00. That's quite a few drinking hours. The problem is at 15:00 he had to go to the school and collect the infant and she was in his care from then until the moment I walked through the door. That's six hours she was with him and at some point he crossed the line from tippling to being well and truly plastered.

In the forty five minutes I had to put up with his company before finally he wandered up to his slum bedroom I had to observe him swaying about the kitchen and listen to his interminable rambling nonsense. Then after he left I had to get down on my knees and scrub clean the kitchen floor where he'd first dropped half the bowl of pasta bake he helped himself to, then trodden it in.

There really isn't anything I can do immediately. This is the first time I've caught him incapacitated while having sole care of the infant. This is the first time I'm aware she's been exposed to him insensate. The danger is that time might pass and the impact of this, the quiet fury I've felt since I got home, will be dimmed. So I'm posting what I found when I got home so that when the time comes I've got it here as a reminder.