Bloody Canadians

Approach 1: You might be labouring under the misapprehension that Canadians [and in what I'm about to say, bear in mind I carry a Canadian passport] are nice people. Never mind the debate about whether or not that perception is even remotely reasonable; consider instead do they really exist. You sure as hell don't get to speak to a fucking Canadian fucking human being if you call the fucking Canadian Head Office fucking High Commission in fucking London. Yes I got a bit wound up.

My alternative approach was: Do you really hate someone enough to have them phone the Canadian Consulate in London and request a copy by post of their wretched Passport application form?

And in the middle of wanting to strangle someone (thankfully I was on my own in the house when I was calling these people yesterday) the woman would start droning on in that oouutrageous French-Canadian of hers and reduce me to laughter. I call that cruel. Only the context enabled me to comprenez 'besoyne' and 'passpart'.

If you have someone you truly loathe and would like to send loopy the telephone number for the Canucks in London is: 020 7258 6600 (or from abroad +44 20 7258 6600).

The single, solitary positive aspect of this experience is that they don't have a 0870 number to fleece people with. Very sporting of them us.