So sorry mum

I said this was the worst Christmas I've known, it cannot have been much better for my family to whom I owe an immense and heartfelt apology.

I've been alone this Christmas, but for my daughter. To my mother, my sister, her daughter, my maternal grandmother, my mother's brother, his wife and their three children, to my late father's only son and to my wider paternal and maternal families I can only say sorry, that the breach has not yet been healed and that I have not yet taken that one way trip. Do you still want me to make it? I was alone with B and my thoughts this Christmas and they were with you.

Perhaps the house in London will be sold soon, the money will come through and we can find some way of dividing things up both equitably and profitably so that I can make that new start. If I didn't have that hope and the belief in it then I would have lost my mind at some point in the past fifteen years, but I do still hope and I do still believe and it will happen, provided you wish it so.

L.