So bloody tedious

I wasn't at work today so I spent the morning, after the school run, getting over having drunk more than was strictly necessary last night and otherwise annoying the cat who since the weather turned cold has adopted a rather proprietorial attitude towards the duvet.

After some extra kip and several cups of Earl Grey I felt sufficiently human to come downstairs and tackle CSS (actually I thought the Fat Bastard had come home unannounced for lunch, and decided since I was up to have another go at CSS).

The early part of the afternoon was spent waiting for him to come through the door, getting edgier and edgier as the clock moved inexorably towards 15:00 when I have to go back and do the 'picking up'. True to form the fat bastard lurched in just as I was about to have to leave and, having grunted what I presume to have been a greeting of some sort he proceed to slam the lid down on the coffee jar. OK I admit it is a bad habit and I'm a very naughty girl.

Well we all know what the atmospher is like in this house when I have the temerity to draw attention to one of his bad habits, such as:

• not putting the toilet seat up before he urinates, and not cleaning it up afterwards
• leaving piles of washed clothes on the bench above the washing machine to moulder before being run through again
• not putting food away in either fridge or cupboard
• not putting wrappers/off-cuts and empties in the rubbish bin
• using every available empty space as a dumping ground for whatever it is he can no longer be bothered to carry or wear
• leaving parts of the Sunday newspaper strewn all over the floor and sofa in the lounge room
• leaving dishes where he's eaten or drunk from them
• cooking food in the microwave (particularly lasagne) without a covering, and not cleaning up afterwards
• using the coffee plunger and not cleaning it out afterwards (until things start growing in it)
• not recognising, even when anything he attemps to put in it rolls off and onto the floor, that the rubbish bin is full a n d t h e b a g n e e d s t o b e r e p l a c e d; doh!

He believes that empty shampoo bottles eventually get bored hanging around the edge of the shower and take themselves off to the rubbish bin in the bathroom in their own good time, as do the blade wrappers or disposables depending upon which he is currently using and as do empty loo rolls, who actually like to spend a little time warming up on the radiator before going into the bin.

Yes the fat bastard has one or two annoying little habits of his own but woe betide the wife who dares criticise him for them.

AND I'VE NEVER FORGED YOUR SIGNATURE TO EMPTY OUR DAUGHTER'S SAVINGS ACCOUNT, OR EMPTIED OUR SAVINGS ACCOUNT OR STOLEN CASH FROM YOUR WALLET OR FUCKED SOME ACQUAINTANCE ON A CASUAL BASIS SO THAT EVERYONE COULD SNIGGER BEHIND YOUR BACK ...

YOU FAT MISERABLE BASTARD.