This Is My Affair

Because he's worth it ...

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Pool Watch No. 6

I got back from my weekly dose of self-sacrifice to news that the hole is complete, lined and we're ready to put up the frame and lining and ... fill the damned thing with water.

Ahead of schule and with another day's warm weather.

And I had one of those moments when a blinding truth dawns. I don't know how well this will translate to non-British audiences but I've realised over the course of this project that I am in fact married to Mr Bean.

Really.

He might have grown rather large (acutally very large) and hairy (everywhere except the top of his head) but he is fundamentally unaltered; still the same inept social grotesque and moral bankrupt, with the technical nous of a ... of a ... of a whatever it is that has no technical nous whatsoever.

Take the pool business... He had made absolutely no provision whatsoever for the material that came out to create the pool-shaped hole. Right now it lies in piles around the perimeter ready to slide right back in. When it starts to slide back in a bodge job is carried out to solve the problem until I patiently explain that we'll have to take frame and pool lining out and start all over again. That means taking up the lining of the hole and relaying it so that it does what it was intended to do.

The protective lining is like roofing tiles, but whereas roofing tiles must be laid with the lowest level first and then each highter row overlapping over the top to send water away from the interior of the house we want to create the opposite effect and so we need to start at the top. Guess where he'd started.

After we'd done that we set the thing up and fund that somehow he'd managed not to me the hole quite large enough. It seems he'd neglected to take a piece of string the length of the radius of the pool attached to a peg which he proceeded to plant in the centre of the hole. By dint of walking the perimeter with the string he'd quickly have established whether the hole was indeed large enough. In fact he should have stuck the damned peg in the ground before he started digging and used the string to mark out the outline of the future hole. As an added benefit he'd have had the opportunity to consider where to dump the spoil and perhaps come up with a plan.

Anyhow, after about another hour we were again in a position to turn on the tap and start filling, and that we did. Except that somehow the protective lining slipped because he hadn't bothered to peg it properly, so another bodge job was called for which involved getting in under the pool lining with some additional protection.

And that was when I spotted the water ... where there shouldn't be water ... where there could only be water if there's a leak in the lining.

I'm that close to giving up.

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