There's always someone worse off
I called those bastards at Carphone Whorehouse yesterday, finally, having given up waiting for them to call me. I called them via the 0800 (freephone) number and so I was almost happy to hang on to innumerable repeats of Thunderclap Fucking Newman....
When I did get past the menu system and have a human on the other end of the line I was perfectly happy to be transferred all around the CPW network, content in the knowledge that this time it would be costing them money.
I can't recommend too highly the SAYNOTO0870.com site. It should be obligatory for those in the UK who want to get one over on the bastards who are only endeavouring to claw back some of the cost of operating a call centre to handle your calls, which you're only making because they're providing an under-investment driven, cut-price service to start with.
Eventually some young thing came on the line.
"I want you to take your lousy phone and your lousy contract and you can stick 'em."
"You can't get out of the contract."
"What the hell do you mean? You lied to me, I agreed to the further contract on the basis of false and misleading information - of course I can get out of the contract."
"In what way were you given false information?"
"First of all I can only contact you - Carphone Whorehouse via an expensive 0870 number; your [fucking] menu system is enough to drive a sane person round the twist; then I have to give it, your [fucking] menu system, highly sensitive personal information [my bank account number]; for my pains and expense I am then subjected to crap music. This isn't customer service. I'm completely pissed off. I made that point when I spoke to some other flunky last Friday afternoon and I was given an undertaking that I'd receive a call from a manager with an apology and an offer of compensation for the way I've been buggered around."
"There's no record of that conversation on your account"
"Why doesn't that [fucking] surprise me! I suppose it goes some way to explaining why no-one's had the decency to call me back. Well I want to speak to someone now about cancelling the contract."
"I'm sorry but that isn't possible."
"You people misled me. I don't want anything more to do with you. You can take your phone back and the SIM which finally arrived. And you can do it at your own expense. "
"In what way did we mislead you."
"Your colleague in Customer Entrapment (aka Loyalty) advised me that the phone would come with new SIM and that isn't what happened. Your colleague in Customer Entrapment told me that the cheque for £150 would be sent in one instalment automatically, but the literature accompanying the 'phone makes clear that the money will be sent in instalments over the course of the contract and only provided I go to the trouble and expense of submitting back to you the bills you've already sent me. How's that for starters?"
"No the cheque will be sent automatically in one instalment."
"You're asking me to believe you over what I have in my hand by way of corporate literature? Don't try and make me laugh, I'm not in the mood."
"Please hold one moment while I confirm that you will receive the cheque automatically."
pause and then "I have confirmed that you were sent the wrong documentation. You will receive the full amount within 60 days automatically."
"I want that in writing."
"I can send you an email."
"I want it in writing, through the post."
"I can send you an email." [Does she have an email fetish, I wonder to myself. How terribly 21st Century.]
"Just put it in the post."
"Can I confirm your address?"
[You have to be fucking kidding - I've given you everything up to but not yet including my cup size.]
"It's blah, blah. But I'm pissed and I want out. Nobody had the decency to call me back. So when will someone be coming out to collect this phone from the address I've just given you. I'm going down to the bank tomorrow to cancel the direct debit. You've probably recovered what you'd otherwise be losing through your 0870 scam."
"I can offer you £20 as a credit on your account, towards the cost of the calls to Customer Entrapment."
"Okay."
That was all yesterday. The correct corporate literature didn't arrive today. If it hasn't arrived by Tuesday I'll be making a further dent in their profitability via their 0800 number.
In the meantime worse news for Carphone Whorehouse than my little who are losing suppliers to High St rivals the way some business shed staff. Speaking of which AOL UK which Carphone Whorehouse acquired yesterday (even as I was telling them what a pile of crap I think they are) has today announced that it is stripping out 20% of its workforce. They don't yet appreciate their good fortune I suppose.
I'n the meantime I've had a look at the OFCOM [UK telecommunications industry regulator] and to my total non-surprise Carphone Whorehouse doesn't have a Code of Practice. Well not one they're prepared to admit to anyway.
I was going to add something more to this story but the smell of roasting chicken is a total distraction so I'll come back and add it when I can concentrate.
In the meantime this is a blog I've enjoyed reading hugely but not got around to adding. As it happens ACW has had an epic confrontation of his own for much the same reason and you can read all about it here.
When I did get past the menu system and have a human on the other end of the line I was perfectly happy to be transferred all around the CPW network, content in the knowledge that this time it would be costing them money.
I can't recommend too highly the SAYNOTO0870.com site. It should be obligatory for those in the UK who want to get one over on the bastards who are only endeavouring to claw back some of the cost of operating a call centre to handle your calls, which you're only making because they're providing an under-investment driven, cut-price service to start with.
Eventually some young thing came on the line.
"I want you to take your lousy phone and your lousy contract and you can stick 'em."
"You can't get out of the contract."
"What the hell do you mean? You lied to me, I agreed to the further contract on the basis of false and misleading information - of course I can get out of the contract."
"In what way were you given false information?"
"First of all I can only contact you - Carphone Whorehouse via an expensive 0870 number; your [fucking] menu system is enough to drive a sane person round the twist; then I have to give it, your [fucking] menu system, highly sensitive personal information [my bank account number]; for my pains and expense I am then subjected to crap music. This isn't customer service. I'm completely pissed off. I made that point when I spoke to some other flunky last Friday afternoon and I was given an undertaking that I'd receive a call from a manager with an apology and an offer of compensation for the way I've been buggered around."
"There's no record of that conversation on your account"
"Why doesn't that [fucking] surprise me! I suppose it goes some way to explaining why no-one's had the decency to call me back. Well I want to speak to someone now about cancelling the contract."
"I'm sorry but that isn't possible."
"You people misled me. I don't want anything more to do with you. You can take your phone back and the SIM which finally arrived. And you can do it at your own expense. "
"In what way did we mislead you."
"Your colleague in Customer Entrapment (aka Loyalty) advised me that the phone would come with new SIM and that isn't what happened. Your colleague in Customer Entrapment told me that the cheque for £150 would be sent in one instalment automatically, but the literature accompanying the 'phone makes clear that the money will be sent in instalments over the course of the contract and only provided I go to the trouble and expense of submitting back to you the bills you've already sent me. How's that for starters?"
"No the cheque will be sent automatically in one instalment."
"You're asking me to believe you over what I have in my hand by way of corporate literature? Don't try and make me laugh, I'm not in the mood."
"Please hold one moment while I confirm that you will receive the cheque automatically."
pause and then "I have confirmed that you were sent the wrong documentation. You will receive the full amount within 60 days automatically."
"I want that in writing."
"I can send you an email."
"I want it in writing, through the post."
"I can send you an email." [Does she have an email fetish, I wonder to myself. How terribly 21st Century.]
"Just put it in the post."
"Can I confirm your address?"
[You have to be fucking kidding - I've given you everything up to but not yet including my cup size.]
"It's blah, blah. But I'm pissed and I want out. Nobody had the decency to call me back. So when will someone be coming out to collect this phone from the address I've just given you. I'm going down to the bank tomorrow to cancel the direct debit. You've probably recovered what you'd otherwise be losing through your 0870 scam."
"I can offer you £20 as a credit on your account, towards the cost of the calls to Customer Entrapment."
"Okay."
That was all yesterday. The correct corporate literature didn't arrive today. If it hasn't arrived by Tuesday I'll be making a further dent in their profitability via their 0800 number.
In the meantime worse news for Carphone Whorehouse than my little who are losing suppliers to High St rivals the way some business shed staff. Speaking of which AOL UK which Carphone Whorehouse acquired yesterday (even as I was telling them what a pile of crap I think they are) has today announced that it is stripping out 20% of its workforce. They don't yet appreciate their good fortune I suppose.
I'n the meantime I've had a look at the OFCOM [UK telecommunications industry regulator] and to my total non-surprise Carphone Whorehouse doesn't have a Code of Practice. Well not one they're prepared to admit to anyway.
I was going to add something more to this story but the smell of roasting chicken is a total distraction so I'll come back and add it when I can concentrate.
In the meantime this is a blog I've enjoyed reading hugely but not got around to adding. As it happens ACW has had an epic confrontation of his own for much the same reason and you can read all about it here.
posted by Enyo @ 6:01 pm
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