Something that happened
A few months ago he returned with the daughter from a visit to his mother with news that she (the future ex-mother-in-law) had information on a summer camp to which we could send B.
Nothing more than that. I pointed out the practical issues surrounding the idea - added to which summer camping is an American institution that hasn't taken off here or back home for that matter, so it is unfamiliar and something a parent is likely to be wary of.
Without anything more than this brief mention and my practical objections I left it at that believing the matter closed.
Until a week ago we received a letter from the company organising this holiday camp thanking us for the £100 deposit, confirming B's place, and setting out arrangements for paying the balance!
She, the FEMIL had only gone ahead and booked the damned thing. I still didn't know who the people behind this thing were, where B would be or what she would be doing. We'd still no way to get to her should an emergency arise, blah blah.
I was almost in tears and beside myself with rage. One parent simply can't expect to be able to send a child of 8 away from the family home for eight nights without fully consulting the other parent, and those parents have a responsibility to fully inform themselves before sending their child away. None of that's happened. I'm apparently supposed to take all this on trust?
If we had a rock solid relationship that might be just about possible, but even if my mother were to go ahead and track down a holiday camp for her grand daughter to attend I'd expect more information than I've been given. The thing about my mother is she'd volunteer it. Important difference that!
I could, I suppose, bestir myself to get the information, but I've no way to get to wherever this camp is to look at it beforehand, no way to get to B should an emergency arise and neither she nor I will know beforehand any individual she'll be in the company of FOR EIGHT DAYS. I wouldn't be happy about eight minutes under these circumstances, let alone eight days.
I was so upset the day the letter arrived that I left the envelope behind when I took the letter with me to work to contemplate. Of course he spotted it and came up to ask about it. I told him flat she wouldn't be going. As far as I'm concerned now if we don't consult about things when he wants to send her away I don't have to consult any more than that when I say NO!
He of course claimed we had talked about it - yes, you did mention it to me but that isn't the same thing as a discussion. I don't care if you've bought her a mobile phone, that won't get me to her any quicker if something goes wrong. And shouldn't we have talked about her having a mobile phone at the age of eight? That was yesterday's stunt. I came home to find her prancing about the house with her new mobile phone jammed to her ear and her proud boast that she gets 300 free texts per month.
So I don't think that the message got through to him, though I'm a lot calmer about it than I was a week ago. I have the letter and if all else fails I'll be writing to these people informing them that I'm the child's mother, I have joint custody, I've not been consulted and I've explicitly withheld permission for her to be away at their camp.
I'm so calm about it now I've been able to write it up. It's only taken me a week.
Nothing more than that. I pointed out the practical issues surrounding the idea - added to which summer camping is an American institution that hasn't taken off here or back home for that matter, so it is unfamiliar and something a parent is likely to be wary of.
Without anything more than this brief mention and my practical objections I left it at that believing the matter closed.
Until a week ago we received a letter from the company organising this holiday camp thanking us for the £100 deposit, confirming B's place, and setting out arrangements for paying the balance!
She, the FEMIL had only gone ahead and booked the damned thing. I still didn't know who the people behind this thing were, where B would be or what she would be doing. We'd still no way to get to her should an emergency arise, blah blah.
I was almost in tears and beside myself with rage. One parent simply can't expect to be able to send a child of 8 away from the family home for eight nights without fully consulting the other parent, and those parents have a responsibility to fully inform themselves before sending their child away. None of that's happened. I'm apparently supposed to take all this on trust?
If we had a rock solid relationship that might be just about possible, but even if my mother were to go ahead and track down a holiday camp for her grand daughter to attend I'd expect more information than I've been given. The thing about my mother is she'd volunteer it. Important difference that!
I could, I suppose, bestir myself to get the information, but I've no way to get to wherever this camp is to look at it beforehand, no way to get to B should an emergency arise and neither she nor I will know beforehand any individual she'll be in the company of FOR EIGHT DAYS. I wouldn't be happy about eight minutes under these circumstances, let alone eight days.
I was so upset the day the letter arrived that I left the envelope behind when I took the letter with me to work to contemplate. Of course he spotted it and came up to ask about it. I told him flat she wouldn't be going. As far as I'm concerned now if we don't consult about things when he wants to send her away I don't have to consult any more than that when I say NO!
He of course claimed we had talked about it - yes, you did mention it to me but that isn't the same thing as a discussion. I don't care if you've bought her a mobile phone, that won't get me to her any quicker if something goes wrong. And shouldn't we have talked about her having a mobile phone at the age of eight? That was yesterday's stunt. I came home to find her prancing about the house with her new mobile phone jammed to her ear and her proud boast that she gets 300 free texts per month.
So I don't think that the message got through to him, though I'm a lot calmer about it than I was a week ago. I have the letter and if all else fails I'll be writing to these people informing them that I'm the child's mother, I have joint custody, I've not been consulted and I've explicitly withheld permission for her to be away at their camp.
I'm so calm about it now I've been able to write it up. It's only taken me a week.
posted by Enyo @ 8:58 am
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