Fathers For Justice
Hmmn
I have certain amount of sympathy for decent fathers who through the bias of courts and the vindictive behaviour of ex-spouses find themselves deprived of contact with children....
In an ideal world families would never break up ... but in an ideal world there'd be no grounds for believing that every party to a marriage would be better off in one way or another for a going of separate ways.
The fact is that we don't live in an ideal world. For one thing every day countless children die through war or drought or famine or some untreatable illness.
Sometimes moving on is for the best.
And no one enters a marriage expecting that marriage to wind up in the family court. I'd expected us to live happily ever after, travelling before settling back in Australia [as we discussed when we were planning to marry]. I didn't think happily as in soppily, but rather happily as in bringing the best out in each other, working things out, accomplishing more together than the sum of our individual potentials. Actually quite idealistic I suppose, but not soppy.
So what happens to our daughter when we divorce? Where will she grow up? On this side of the globe or the other? The hard truth is someone has to lose in this, and it really, really shouldn't be her. Should I be made to stay here and close to him so that he (and his mother) can have 'access' to her or should I be able to go home, to the part of the world I belong in; where I have support?
Both our fathers have died. My mother is on one side of the world, his mother is in the UK. One of them will always miss out; she'll always be missing one grandmother or other. The fact is that for the past 8 years and seven month that's been my mother who has never seen her grand daughter. Never. Yet I'm made to feel guilty about wanting more, about being unsatisfied, restless and insecure.
I have dreams of the places I could show her, share with her back home. Yes. I want, I want, I want. For eight years we've lived here and she's had nothing. Nothing at all. He's shared nothing with her. What's wrong with wanting to show the world to your child. I'd do it if only I could.
So why can't I.
It (the fat bastard) was home today. This is the third day in a row he's planned to be away and ended up being here. As I write this I do wonder if he doesn't suspect me of conducting an affair. No there's a great big bloody joke. Previously I'd thought perhaps the Fool from Philadelphia had been forced to cancel a trip to the UK and so he'd cancelled his plans to be in London.
B and I were in the middle of a big clean out, swapping over winter clothes for summer ones; packing stuff away and bringing other stuff out. In the middle of all this intensive vacuuming and dusting, scrubbing and so forth it came home from work. And it wanted the TV guide from the paper so it could plan its week's viewing.
I'm sure there are miscarriages of justice in the Family Court, as in other UK courts. On the other hand a father's desire for contact with a child or children surely cannot be allowed to outweigh the best interests of the children.
This isn't well thought out and no doubt could be cut to shreds in an instant. I only wrote it because some nitwits from the organisation calling itself Fathers for Justice tonight invaded the studio where the national lottery was being drawn. I've pondered a custodial battle before, and every time these people stage one of their idiots stunts I'f forced again to consider what how that battle might pan out.
I have certain amount of sympathy for decent fathers who through the bias of courts and the vindictive behaviour of ex-spouses find themselves deprived of contact with children....
In an ideal world families would never break up ... but in an ideal world there'd be no grounds for believing that every party to a marriage would be better off in one way or another for a going of separate ways.
The fact is that we don't live in an ideal world. For one thing every day countless children die through war or drought or famine or some untreatable illness.
Sometimes moving on is for the best.
And no one enters a marriage expecting that marriage to wind up in the family court. I'd expected us to live happily ever after, travelling before settling back in Australia [as we discussed when we were planning to marry]. I didn't think happily as in soppily, but rather happily as in bringing the best out in each other, working things out, accomplishing more together than the sum of our individual potentials. Actually quite idealistic I suppose, but not soppy.
So what happens to our daughter when we divorce? Where will she grow up? On this side of the globe or the other? The hard truth is someone has to lose in this, and it really, really shouldn't be her. Should I be made to stay here and close to him so that he (and his mother) can have 'access' to her or should I be able to go home, to the part of the world I belong in; where I have support?
Both our fathers have died. My mother is on one side of the world, his mother is in the UK. One of them will always miss out; she'll always be missing one grandmother or other. The fact is that for the past 8 years and seven month that's been my mother who has never seen her grand daughter. Never. Yet I'm made to feel guilty about wanting more, about being unsatisfied, restless and insecure.
I have dreams of the places I could show her, share with her back home. Yes. I want, I want, I want. For eight years we've lived here and she's had nothing. Nothing at all. He's shared nothing with her. What's wrong with wanting to show the world to your child. I'd do it if only I could.
So why can't I.
It (the fat bastard) was home today. This is the third day in a row he's planned to be away and ended up being here. As I write this I do wonder if he doesn't suspect me of conducting an affair. No there's a great big bloody joke. Previously I'd thought perhaps the Fool from Philadelphia had been forced to cancel a trip to the UK and so he'd cancelled his plans to be in London.
B and I were in the middle of a big clean out, swapping over winter clothes for summer ones; packing stuff away and bringing other stuff out. In the middle of all this intensive vacuuming and dusting, scrubbing and so forth it came home from work. And it wanted the TV guide from the paper so it could plan its week's viewing.
I'm sure there are miscarriages of justice in the Family Court, as in other UK courts. On the other hand a father's desire for contact with a child or children surely cannot be allowed to outweigh the best interests of the children.
This isn't well thought out and no doubt could be cut to shreds in an instant. I only wrote it because some nitwits from the organisation calling itself Fathers for Justice tonight invaded the studio where the national lottery was being drawn. I've pondered a custodial battle before, and every time these people stage one of their idiots stunts I'f forced again to consider what how that battle might pan out.
posted by Enyo @ 11:17 pm
2 Comments:
At 11:02 pm,
Enyo said…
As I said in the original post I understand and accept that there are many fathers getting a very raw deal ... and I know what it's like to be driven to the brink of insanity by an unreasonable spouse (been there, got that t-shirt.
Part of me, too, would very much like to run amok and ruin Eammon Holmes' night.
The post wasn't a criticism of the 'movement' or individual members and nothing more than a mild rebuke for the tactics employed. More than anything else it was an expression of my fears and my vulnerability. Its my blog, afterall
At 10:48 am,
Anonymous said…
The best interests of the children, and all concerned, would be if the UK's secret family courts were actually fair. I would have the hope of my child growing up in a society that I could believe was governed by fair and balanced forces.
Sadly, when I told my ex that she should not take the law into her own hands and break a contact order... firstly, she attempted to run me over with her car!
I reported this to the police - she is entitled to do so (their words and that of the judge). when my child arrived covered in huge bruises I called social services. Next thing it is I who is standing trial. I am told that (by the Judge) I was guilty BEFORE any evidence was given. I was told that I had no human rights. The judge nsisted that it was "absolutely impossible" for my ex to lie. The images of the bruising on my child.. the judge threw those off the bench and called them irrelevant. The whole process has no official record. The Criminal Case Review Commission say I had more than a fair trial (there was no jury). After conviction I was contacted by social services and warned NEVER to bring any accusations against my sons mother ever again.. quote or else unquote.
That is not in the best interests of ANY child. Secret courts are dangerous, very dangerous.
As a result, I am almost bankrupt, I have difficulty in finding work - because of the conviction. This is more than a raw deal - this is corruption of our justice system. Doubt me.. than wait until they bring this to the mainstream courts!
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