An idle thought
I have noticed that a lot of the personal blogs started by people in difficult personal circumstances are, like mine, begun after what might be termed the crest of the wave of pain. They're taken up with a recitation of the past and die a natural death once that past has been recounted and put into the public domain.
By way of example I spent quite some time this evening reading through the blog of a gay man getting divorced after 24 years and finally being true to himself, but most of it is the past, rather than the present, and so it isn't yet clear how this blog might be sustainable in the longer term or even needs to be.
This (my) blog was actually intended to be something very like that, though more vindictive.
When I started this I hadn't ever confided to anyone the full extent of the 'difficulties' I'd experienced in my marriage. I saw an anonymous blog as a potentially explosive outlet. From the beginning I was intent on telling nothing but the truth, and more than that telling nothing but the truth that I could substantiate with documentary evidence, and to the best of my knowledge I've been true to that.
Strangely though this blog has not quite gone in the direction I envisaged while at the same time actually succeeding and fulfilling its perceived cathartic potential.
I've still only transcribed a couple of his mother's letters, and none of his lover's emails.
Since November, when I began, his occasional lapses of behaviour have provided adequate ammunition and my natural aversion to vindictiveness has served to keep my baser instincts in check. Above and beyond that, my actual life and my magpie-like interest in the world around me have provided further source material. Occasional visitors have done the rest.
The fact is though, folks, that the fireworks haven't yet gone off. For starters, as you will have noticed, I haven't yet slung him out. We've lived quite entirely separate lives for eight and a half years now - yes, never mind one year of being celibate, try eight and a half!
He's drained me financially, set up a lover who he hoped would provide a replacement safety net and been quite generally satisfied with the last eight years.
He's never told me the complete and unadulterated truth in all our twelve years of marriage.
I know that he's still in contact with the lover, who's a senior business woman (!?) in or from Philadelphia. But I suspect that she's got impatient and moved on somewhat in her life.
So who's he getting it on with? I've gone numb, but we all know that he's been keeping things reasonably well tuned.
His track record suggests that it is someone relatively close to home - he's too lazy to work harder than absolutely essential and there always seems to be some fool ready to entertain him. Both his wives (including me) were sourced at work and Girlfriend No. 1 was sourced at university. If he isn't getting enough from Girlfriend No. 1 then there's a good chance he's getting it elsewhere.
Elsewhere might be via friends (ie, a friend of a friend) but I suspect he's too lazy for that and I've settled on a candidate.
I might be wrong, but I'm going to predict tonight that he is or has had an affair with one of the three AGM's (assistant general managers) where he and I work. Not the one who's getting it on with the GM and not the one who is a walking talking hairdo (he does like a woman who can actually think), but the other one. The short, squat, butch, vulgar blonde. The one who spent most of her life as a pub cleaning lady and rose to her current position via a supermarket deli. counter.
That's my prediction.
Everyone shares her concern about his work rate. Nobody else expresses it to me laced with so much vitriol. Jo - if you're shagging my husband, let's ditch the BS and go for a drink some time so we can have a proper chat - swap stories about what a lousy lay he is and all that. I'm game if you are.
I'm too bloody tired to go into the intricate details behind the prediction, but there it is and I'm standing by it. I figure it will still be fun if I'm wrong, but it will be tremendous fun if I'm proved right.
There was something else he said tonight that had me gasping in astonishment, but since it only proved yet again that he really does inhabit another planet, I figured it is something that can wait a day or so.
By way of example I spent quite some time this evening reading through the blog of a gay man getting divorced after 24 years and finally being true to himself, but most of it is the past, rather than the present, and so it isn't yet clear how this blog might be sustainable in the longer term or even needs to be.
This (my) blog was actually intended to be something very like that, though more vindictive.
When I started this I hadn't ever confided to anyone the full extent of the 'difficulties' I'd experienced in my marriage. I saw an anonymous blog as a potentially explosive outlet. From the beginning I was intent on telling nothing but the truth, and more than that telling nothing but the truth that I could substantiate with documentary evidence, and to the best of my knowledge I've been true to that.
Strangely though this blog has not quite gone in the direction I envisaged while at the same time actually succeeding and fulfilling its perceived cathartic potential.
I've still only transcribed a couple of his mother's letters, and none of his lover's emails.
Since November, when I began, his occasional lapses of behaviour have provided adequate ammunition and my natural aversion to vindictiveness has served to keep my baser instincts in check. Above and beyond that, my actual life and my magpie-like interest in the world around me have provided further source material. Occasional visitors have done the rest.
The fact is though, folks, that the fireworks haven't yet gone off. For starters, as you will have noticed, I haven't yet slung him out. We've lived quite entirely separate lives for eight and a half years now - yes, never mind one year of being celibate, try eight and a half!
He's drained me financially, set up a lover who he hoped would provide a replacement safety net and been quite generally satisfied with the last eight years.
He's never told me the complete and unadulterated truth in all our twelve years of marriage.
I know that he's still in contact with the lover, who's a senior business woman (!?) in or from Philadelphia. But I suspect that she's got impatient and moved on somewhat in her life.
So who's he getting it on with? I've gone numb, but we all know that he's been keeping things reasonably well tuned.
His track record suggests that it is someone relatively close to home - he's too lazy to work harder than absolutely essential and there always seems to be some fool ready to entertain him. Both his wives (including me) were sourced at work and Girlfriend No. 1 was sourced at university. If he isn't getting enough from Girlfriend No. 1 then there's a good chance he's getting it elsewhere.
Elsewhere might be via friends (ie, a friend of a friend) but I suspect he's too lazy for that and I've settled on a candidate.
I might be wrong, but I'm going to predict tonight that he is or has had an affair with one of the three AGM's (assistant general managers) where he and I work. Not the one who's getting it on with the GM and not the one who is a walking talking hairdo (he does like a woman who can actually think), but the other one. The short, squat, butch, vulgar blonde. The one who spent most of her life as a pub cleaning lady and rose to her current position via a supermarket deli. counter.
That's my prediction.
Everyone shares her concern about his work rate. Nobody else expresses it to me laced with so much vitriol. Jo - if you're shagging my husband, let's ditch the BS and go for a drink some time so we can have a proper chat - swap stories about what a lousy lay he is and all that. I'm game if you are.
I'm too bloody tired to go into the intricate details behind the prediction, but there it is and I'm standing by it. I figure it will still be fun if I'm wrong, but it will be tremendous fun if I'm proved right.
There was something else he said tonight that had me gasping in astonishment, but since it only proved yet again that he really does inhabit another planet, I figured it is something that can wait a day or so.
posted by Enyo @ 11:30 pm
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