Those cleaning expeditions
Central to an earlier posting was my mention of the occasional forays into the Fat Bastard's lair for the purposes of detoxification.
While I was still working these expeditions took place annually during the two to three week period in August I took as annual leave to coincide with the summer holiday of the wonderful Polish woman who took care of my daughter while I was at work; while I was at work. I'd get up at 5:00 to get the first direct train; he'd drop her off then mooch around all day and disappear shortly before I arrived home having stopped off on the way to collect my angel.
The leave period was the only time I had access to the house and wasn't too tired to undertake anything monumental while he made himself scarce.
So that's it; once a year I'd gather together any important looking paperwork such as correspondence with occasional employers, Inland Revenue, social benefits providers, utility companies, banks and other less salubrious lenders, debt collection agencies, courts and so forth. In order to establish whether any given piece of paper ought be kept or could be discarded I had at least to find out what it was; that's how I began to look at these letters, but once I appreciated their content I read more thoroughly and kept them. He probably thinks that I simply threw them away; he's certainly never asked for them.
That does remind me of a conversation we had a couple of nights ago, the context for which eludes me for the moment, but in the course of it I made the point that he is not good at confrontation either (so I suspect he'd been critical of someone he'd observed avoiding confrontation). He conceded the point then went on to make some fairly wild and even extravagant claims about having grown up with two parents who rowed constantly with one another. I tried to press him as to the subject for reasons I'll have to go into another time but he wasn't forthcoming.
My parents had occasional verbally violent exchanges involving slammed doors and one or other driving off into the night to cool down. They were alarming at the time and then were over. They were only occasional and I'm sure they were preferrable to constant carping and bickering and probably less psychologically damaging, but perhaps one could also say "get over it". Besides I want to row and get the air cleared, not spend the rest of my life nagging.
We've been married since early October 1994, having lived to gether for 18 months before that, and this is the first time in all those years I've heard him claim this. Although I didn't ever know either of them well and rarely observed them at close quarters I would have said that they bicker no more or less than any couple married for decades. Either he's telling yet another whopper about his childhood or he's just offered up another fabulous example of his lack of communication skills.
But back to those letters...
This first one is dated 6 September 2000.
And there it ends, apparently; unsigned.
This letter was written after they'd come to my aid financially to deal with the accumulated utility bills and particularly the telephone bill which had resulted in the service being cut off. Of course she was angry. I understand that.
While I was still working these expeditions took place annually during the two to three week period in August I took as annual leave to coincide with the summer holiday of the wonderful Polish woman who took care of my daughter while I was at work; while I was at work. I'd get up at 5:00 to get the first direct train; he'd drop her off then mooch around all day and disappear shortly before I arrived home having stopped off on the way to collect my angel.
The leave period was the only time I had access to the house and wasn't too tired to undertake anything monumental while he made himself scarce.
So that's it; once a year I'd gather together any important looking paperwork such as correspondence with occasional employers, Inland Revenue, social benefits providers, utility companies, banks and other less salubrious lenders, debt collection agencies, courts and so forth. In order to establish whether any given piece of paper ought be kept or could be discarded I had at least to find out what it was; that's how I began to look at these letters, but once I appreciated their content I read more thoroughly and kept them. He probably thinks that I simply threw them away; he's certainly never asked for them.
That does remind me of a conversation we had a couple of nights ago, the context for which eludes me for the moment, but in the course of it I made the point that he is not good at confrontation either (so I suspect he'd been critical of someone he'd observed avoiding confrontation). He conceded the point then went on to make some fairly wild and even extravagant claims about having grown up with two parents who rowed constantly with one another. I tried to press him as to the subject for reasons I'll have to go into another time but he wasn't forthcoming.
My parents had occasional verbally violent exchanges involving slammed doors and one or other driving off into the night to cool down. They were alarming at the time and then were over. They were only occasional and I'm sure they were preferrable to constant carping and bickering and probably less psychologically damaging, but perhaps one could also say "get over it". Besides I want to row and get the air cleared, not spend the rest of my life nagging.
We've been married since early October 1994, having lived to gether for 18 months before that, and this is the first time in all those years I've heard him claim this. Although I didn't ever know either of them well and rarely observed them at close quarters I would have said that they bicker no more or less than any couple married for decades. Either he's telling yet another whopper about his childhood or he's just offered up another fabulous example of his lack of communication skills.
But back to those letters...
This first one is dated 6 September 2000.
Dearest _____
We are beside ourselves with worry. I have written you twice asking you to ring. Why do you persist in causing us such anxiety?
_____ [me] said that she would leave you a note as she is abed. We have done the best for you both & this is how you treat us. I shall have to seek guidance from either _____ [his alma mater] or ______ [the Church].
You must try to convince ______ that she is making a grave mistake not giving little ______ [my daughter] a ______ [religious denomination] upbringing. Too lazy no doubt to walk to church on Sundays yet I dare say you sit around for a couple of hours reading the newspapers.
Where are your priorities?
It is clear that you have made yet another mistake, but you did not seek our advice or blessing when you married for the 2nd time. Why did you bring yourself to this; you never listen to us.
If ______'s visa was running out why could you not let her go, or were you co-erced? She is a rather dogmatic person and intends looking out for herself. You do not now figure in the scheme from what I can gather.
And there it ends, apparently; unsigned.
This letter was written after they'd come to my aid financially to deal with the accumulated utility bills and particularly the telephone bill which had resulted in the service being cut off. Of course she was angry. I understand that.
posted by Enyo @ 10:31 am
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